Caelum Animalis
Black Country Stories
Caelum Animalis
The Can Opener
Chewing Gum
Chorister's Alphabet
David and Goliath
Euro English
Feline Sedentation
Happy Marriage
Hell's Bells
The Gardener
The Icon
A Plan for the Church
St Ichabod's



The following was inspired by an ex cathedra statement by a bishop, that apes have souls, and therefore, presumably will be encountered in heaven by those others of us who make it.

We presume that some startling new evidence has come to light to justify this statement, but that this has as yet to be made public. No doubt this will follow in due course, as will a definition as to where the new line is to be drawn between soul-ful and soul-less.

The statement was followed by the author's noting that a 'Service of blessing for pets' was to be held at a local church - is this an indication of future trends? We await developments.

(This hymn may be sung to the tune of 'Come, ye thankful people, come...' - or not.)


Hee-Haw ! squeak, squeak, woof-woof, miaow!
Bring your pets and make a row!
Gerbils, worms and feathered fowls,
Bishop says they all have souls!
Bring your goldfish, snake and toad,
To the Church just down the road,
There we'll sing and grunt and snort,
"Praise the Lord !" - just as we ought.

Leave behind your pearls and mine,
They're no use in front of swine!
Bring such bread-crumbs as you're able,
Dogs will like them under 'table.
There, His Blessing richly shed,
All the ravens will be fed,
And in rich abundance found,
Bugs and fleas will soon abound!

Every creature has its place
In the fold of thine embrace.
Heaven flings open portals wide,
Let them all just come inside!
Lions, Tigers, Camels, Bears,
See them climb the golden stairs !
(If there will be rats as well,
Let me quietly go to H*** !)


The Estate of William John Green, 2004