Chewing Gum
Black Country Stories
Caelum Animalis
The Can Opener
Chewing Gum
Chorister's Alphabet
David and Goliath
Euro English
Feline Sedentation
Happy Marriage
Hell's Bells
The Gardener
The Icon
A Plan for the Church
St Ichabod's


To: The Editor, Gazette & Herald.

From: W. John Green.

Dear Sir,

Perhaps one of your readers could shed light on an intriguing mystery.

On Friday last I found myself catching up with a white van - well one does, doesn't one - either that or one is hassled from behind by a white van. This one was towing an interesting looking trailer loaded with apparatus which would not have been out of place at a NASA centre.

On coming within reading distance I was amused to find that it bore the legend: "The Chewing-Gum Removal Company. 100% removal guaranteed."

This leads one to wonder what they do with it. Does it go to landfill? If so is it bio-degradable or will it puzzle archaeologists in 2 million years' time?

Or is it incinerated, and if so which greenhouse gases result?

OR could it be that it is re-cycled?

For all you know the gum which is now exercising your mandibles may in fact have been already gnashed fifteen times and scraped off as many pavements before being returned to the makers!

(Come to think of it, I wonder if they would pay me a large sum to keep quiet about this theory.)

Fascinating !

W. John Green.

The Estate of William John Green, 2004