Ode to Wetwang
'Alf Term
All Saints?
Ambiguous Intransitive
Fishy Hereafter
Here and There
Lament of the Old Choristers
Lemon Baptism
Ode to Wetwang
The Ostrich



Ode to Wetwang.

 (Last visited in 1936)

(For best effect, recite with Yorkshire accent)

It were long years ago up in Yorkshire
That we'd go on t' Bridlington train.
The line 'ad sum funny-named stations,
And now ah recall 'em again.

There were Garton an' Sledmere and Fimber,
North Grimston an' Wharram-le-street,
An' Settington (Next station Malton
Where Scarboro' line came to meet.)

But strangest of all were called Wetwang;
It seemed a peculiar name,
Like being sloshed with wet lettuce,
Or thrown a wet sponge for a game!

But now we 'ears lots about Wetwang,
 'cos Countdown is run by its Mayor
Who's plainly quite proud of his office
Tho' God only knows what's done there!

He don't seem a bad chap does Dicky,
So give 'im three cheers an' a grin,
An' if you are ever near Wetwang,
Ring up and enquire if 'e's in!

W. J. Green. Feb. '03.

(This poem was read out on TV's Countdown programme by Richard Whiteley.)

The Estate of William John Green, 2006